Boundaries: The Invisible Fence of Freedom and Happiness
Last weekend, I set up an 'invisible fence' for my dog, providing her with clear boundaries without the need for a physical leash. We wanted her to have the freedom to roam on our acreage without getting tangled in trees or tied up. Don't worry, we don't allow it to actually zap her; it simply emits a vibration and noise.
Interestingly, I noticed some changes in her behavior since she learned where her new boundaries are, and it made me reflect on the importance of asserting our own boundaries.
Roles and Responsibilities
Firstly, she no longer barks at passing cars. The occasional car or delivery driver that comes down our street is no longer her concern. She understands where she belongs, as well as where they belong, and because she can't chase or bother them, she no longer feels the need to bark.
In essence, the boundary not only keeps her within limits but also provides her with a sense of safety. She feels secure within her boundaries, knowing her responsibilities start and end there. Perhaps one day she'll realize that FedEx isn't a team of assassins, but I won't hold my breath.
Boundaries = Happy Doggies
Additionally, she seems happier. With a clear understanding of where she will receive a warning beep, she freely roams within the property without hesitation.
Within these borders, she can run as fast as she wants, play with the kids, chase rabbits, and even get growled at by my wife for bothering the chickens. It's intriguing how establishing a safe boundary has actually granted her more freedom and happiness within its confines.
Consider this: the brain is the most energy-consuming organ in our bodies. Even though it constitutes only a small percentage of our total body weight, it uses a significant portion of our energy—up to 20% in my case.
Having boundaries in my own life reduces stress and allows for more enjoyable experiences, preventing my brain from endlessly contemplating endless possibilities.
Not a Perfect Analogy…
Now, I must acknowledge that the invisible fence analogy isn't perfect when it comes to assertiveness.
For one, the dog didn't get to choose her own boundary. I mean, she's a dog, and even the smartest ones can be a bit clueless. Letting her pick her own boundary would be akin to allowing a two-year-old to eat whatever they want—it wouldn't be in her best interest.
However, when it comes to you, you should have the power to choose your own boundaries, and you should exercise that power.
In fact, your boundaries should evolve and adapt as you learn to express yourself within the different roles and overlapping tribes in your life.
As you grow and change as an individual, and as your various roles shift and transform, your boundaries will expand in some areas while retracting in others. It all depends on the cultural norms and dynamics of the relationships you belong to.
Just like my dog finds freedom and happiness within her established boundaries, you too can find fulfillment and a sense of self by setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in your own life.
