2 Ways to Raise Status
In helping people to explore their self expression, the talk about status comes out in various forms. Mostly inadvertantly. “People Pleasers” generally don’t care too much for status.
Many times, “people pleasers” have plenty of anger - they’re just afraid of what it could do. A sure fire method to prevent any kind of angry self expression is to just turn it off! It’ll have other consequences for sure - but in a pinch it can be a good form of self preservation.
Assertiveness training helps you to control and use the anger so that you can gradually explore the parts of yourself held dormant out of self preservation.
But in these conversations because the anger is so high and potentially suppressed - the allure to threaten and demean is always present. And because the intelligent part of you that you’ve buried is concerned with not only desire, but status, - I think I know why the allure to threaten and demean pops up.
Threaten,issue ultimatums, and demean.
The most common way we see people increase their status is to lower the status of those around them. It’s not difficult to issue a threat, or an ultimatum - and it’s certainly not difficult to demean others. We have all done this, from time to time, on accident.
There are a few problems with this direction, however.
1. Retribution and revenge.
Many times the reason one might want to increase their status among their peers is because they’ve been threatened or demeaned. So while it’s very easy to do, it’ll only invite further attack from the person you’re attacking, and the peers that align with them. Like the end of “The Iliad”, on the forgiveness of Athena (a god) could welcome the end of violence.
2. Lowering Team Status makes you better, and your team worse.
Steve Jobs once said “‘A’ people like working with other ‘A’ people”. Let’s say you’re a ‘B’ player in a team of ‘B’ players and you want to increase your status by demeaning or threatening. You threaten, remain the ‘B’ player, but everyone else now acts like a ‘C’ player.
In other words, your whole team is now operating on a lower level due to your desire for status.
But there’s another way.
Whereas threatening or cajoling lowers the status of the team for your benefit - converting the tension you have into stronger relationships and better communication is another. And it doesn’t have the side effect of creating endless animosity within the team or lowering their performance or status.
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